Blue and Yellow

November 12, 2013

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go and see the original photo over at Lovinchelle’s

 

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image borrowed from Lovinchelle (thank you)

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Dear Wally

Hasn’t it been miserable with all this unseasonal good weather? The trouble with this country is it’s either too bloody hot or too bloody cold. First bit of sun of the year and the whole country goes mad. First thing this morning I’m met with the sight of the postman and milkman in short trousers mincing up the path. I told them, them things look indecent on any male over the age of 13. My legs haven’t seen the light of day for over 60 years I’m proud to say and then they were only seen by you when you pulled me feet first out of that dyke after I lost control of your father’s Matchless.

The road’s been in upheaval as Minnie’s daughter in law has been down all week with her young uns. If they aren’t stroking the cat the wrong way they’re being sick from too many of Minnie’s sausage rolls and if they aren’t drinking vinegar they’re taking it in turns to get the swing ball wrapped around their necks. Maureen made me come in in the end, she could see I was enjoying myself too much. I told her, if you can’t get to my age and laugh at hurt kiddies we may as well have capitulated to the hun. Those swing ball bats leave a mark though Wal. Minnie’s youngest grandson still looks like a gingham tablecloth three days after being hit in the face by his brother. They’ve started coming round of an afternoon. They like standing in the shed breathing in the petrol and paint fumes. I’ve got them sorting coffee jars of screws and catching their fingers in bike chains. Minnie’s glad to have them out of her clematis for an hour or two. They’ll be round again soon, they keep Roger talking ’til the six o’clock news.

Regards to Joan
Lenny

A mixed bag

October 28, 2013

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2013-06-29 19.07.32

Dear Wally
No visitors today so I stood at the gate for a few hours in the rain. Not much happening, old boy went past on his bike with a Happy Shopper bag blowing in his face. Makes you wonder how I managed to cause that five car pile up coming back from Hunstanton.

Maureen’s relatives have been down from Hertfordshire again. They can’t get enough of the Norfolk fresh air and peace and quiet. They must be half deaf and in need of a Vic Stick. Got up this morning to a lung full of Peter’s pigs and an earful of David’s boy Darren trying to start his Escort for an hour. He’d flooded it, same as every morning. His mother says he can’t afford the petrol to run it. They syphon a bit out of the vicar’s Fiesta now and then just so he can start it in the morning. Anyway, getting back to the Hertfordshire lot – I said to Maureen, go on then, what did they bring this time? You remember that jar she gave me and we thought she was choking but it turned out to be decaf coffee? I told her straight, we don’t tolerate coffee drinkers round these parts decafinerarated or not. Anyway I thought it couldn’t get worse, but this time they brought ‘fromage frais’, a cross between cheese and yoghurt apparently. More like a cross between too much money and too little manual labour. Even the dog wouldn’t eat it, put it off it’s usual bowl of gooseberries. Anyway they’re gadding about all over the place, Attleborough one day, Wymondham the next, wouldn’t be surprised if they’d made it to Watton by the end of their three weeks.

Roger came round with the EDP. Luckily I was busy hitting the tv with the walking stick and didn’t hear him shouting through the letter box and rapping on the window. Will have a look and see who’s died this week, perhaps it’ll be you. Hope not as I’ve already stuck a stamp on the envelope.

Yours as always
Len

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Well Wally,
Peter’s boy David has been round. We spoke for some time whilst his dad looked through the kitchen drawers for an Allen key. His university is nowhere near Gainsborough apparently. He is at Lancaster University and he goes to those all you can eat buffets some of which cost him nearly £10! He says Lancaster is a smallish town, like Dereham, but with more gravy. Students come from all over the world to study there. He’s met 2 welshmen, 1 scot and would you believe it? A girl from Beccles. He has a lady friend, but has not proposed I’m glad to say. I’ve told him to be careful not to mention he stands to inherit a Fordson Major tractor to her. We know how these girls get ideas. I remember I made the mistake of mentioning my father had a sidecar and access to the vicar’s tandem to a young sweetheart from Fakenham. From then on in I’d station my brother David at Pig’s Snout corner to holler when he saw her coming on her bike of a Sunday. I’d then spend the next couple of hours in the ditch at the back till she got tired and cycled back to Fakenham. We weren’t all blessed with meeting a Joan like yours Wally.
I’m off to bed after I’ve had a look in next doors wheelie bin.
Hope this finds you well.
Lenny

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Lenny, nice to hear you and Peter are still talking despite that mix up with the food processor last Christmas. He’s a good lad that one but Laura his better half has got a tongue on her. I suppose their eldest is running up one hell of a debt and sleeping all hours, but it will be worth it I suppose if he gets a job in an office. He’ll be able to buy one of those briefcases to keep his pants in and that will make his mother proud.

Mentioning Sutton Bridge took me back a bit. You remember that chap from Laurence and Potts, you know, the one with the Jacket? Well he went there once and had a fish and chip supper. Back then people knew how to have a real knees up. Not like the young uns today. If they aren’t in a car park reversing round corners and eating bio yoghurts they aren’t happy. I blame the teachers. I said to Joan why, oh why, oh why can’t them bloody teachers learn them something useful like how to use a 8 track or make a raffia coaster for their granny.

Talking of raffia did you see the news last night? Seems them buggers in London are talking of making the main road a bit blooming bigger. Next thing you know them Londoners won’t just be visiting Suffolk and hanging round the pier at Southwold they’ll be up here looking round the city and asking for new fangled things like coffee and flan. Something’s got to be done about it. We can’t have them buying up our hovels and making them habitable. Just writing about it is giving me a funny turn and Joan says I ought to go out to the shed for a bit. She’s right. There’s no point getting in a state and I’ve got a spanner that needs taking out of the spanner box and putting somewhere. No rest for the wicked.
Your old mate
Wal

2012-08-11 18.32.03

Dear Wally
What’s wrong with the youth today? I’ve had Shona round with her young lad Jason. The boy’s complaining as his new job is away at Thetford. I said he should count himself lucky he gets to travel. I told him we never crossed Sutton Bridge ‘til we were 28. Ah yes Wal, the first of a few memorable trips in the Dormobile to the jewel of Lincolnshire, Gainsborough. Which reminds me, Peter’s bringing his eldest to see me before he goes back to College Gainsborough way. Short one today, the elastic in my socks is cutting into my ankles and making me riled. My blackbird is looking through the window at me Wally so I’m off to throw something at him.
Keep well
Lenny

queen's royal lancers

Dear Len
I walked into the centre today and saw Noddy has got a new delivery of some Russian shoelaces and Somali fag papers. That Noddy is one of them Dick Branson types, what the Chinese call an entrepreneur. It just goes to show that there’s no need for none of that university education. He’s built up all of that business with just two weeks at the Secondary Modern behind him. He says he would have gone more only Roger were always up first and got to the vicar’s bike before him. Well I got you a box of the papers and six cards of shoe laces for good measure. Joan says she’ll take them to the hairdresser’s next week and Roxy can pass them on to Maureen when she goes in for her wash and set.
Got to dash as we’re expecting company. It’s the day the man from the Pru comes. We haven’t had a policy with him in years, but we don’t like to stop him coming round. It gives Joan something to look forward to as she trims his ear hair for him while he’s here and I tell her it’s good for her to have a hobby like that.
Wally

2012-09-04 09.13.33

Dear Wally
I’m up and about much more now. Got to Snetterton Sunday. Not much there, but got a couple of spanners and some lighters. Alan asked if I wanted to call round Kenny Dewitt’s with him as he’d got a new mower. Well they stood out looking at the mower and talking of old mowers and rotovators they’d known and the best way to put them out when they caught fire. I went in the shed out of the wind. Kenny’s son in law David was in there trying to get the spot welder to work. I can’t stand in a shed as long as I use to. After 3 and a half hours I’d had enough. I looked over and David had his ear defenders on. Well a hurled the first thing that came to hand at the back of his head, a BSA rear light. He explained however, that his hearing had been sensitive since taking down that chimney at Yarmouth and wore them as a matter of course now. He’d only just took them off briefly when I walked in in order to find an Allen key. As he knew I’d been talking about Gainsborough and lighters I suppose he must have been listening.
I’ll have to finish now, Country File is starting.

Lenny

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